I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
