your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
