he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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