....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
