you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
