I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
