How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
