The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
