Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
