dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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