I wish I could teleport
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
