I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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