Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
