high people should be assigned attendants
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
