And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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