Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
