after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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