at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
