dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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