I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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