please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
