How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
