I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
