It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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