there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Randomize
