Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
