I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
