Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
