I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
