So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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