I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
