I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
