My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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