i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
