I've blown a few things in my day
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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