im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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