turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
