i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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