Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
