I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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