I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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