in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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