I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
