Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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