just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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