you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
