Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
