White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
