There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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