thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
