I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
