Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
