I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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