She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
