It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
