You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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