Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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