I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
