Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
