I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
