we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cannot find my penis.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
