i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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