dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
