sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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