Well apparently he's into motor boating.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
