if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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