I accidentally burped into my bong.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
