you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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