I want to have your abortion
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
