im drinking this country out of the recession.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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