Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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