im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
