what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
