Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
