boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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