Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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