I didn't shave. On purpose
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
