His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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