apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
